Do vampires celebrate Christmas? See for yourself:
Through the magic of literary time travel we return to 1938 Chicago, swooping in on the star of The Vampire Files, undead private eye Jack Fleming. He’s just come down to the lobby of his swank nightclub when girlfriend Bobbi Smythe bursts in. Eyes bright, she’s hatted, gloved, and in a hurry.
Bobbi: Jack, come on!
Fleming: But I just got up.
Bobbi: It’s not like you need coffee.
Fleming: I need something else, sweetheart. Maybe you’d like to… (Canoodling sounds ensue, followed by Bobbi’s giggling.) …have a little chase around the Christmas tree?
Bobbi: Later, big boy. We have to get moving while the stores are still open.
Fleming: We’re shopping?
Bobbi: We’re Christmas shopping. It’s special!
Fleming: I don’t have to actually shop, do I? Just carry stuff?
Bobbi: That’s right.
Fleming: No problem.
Bobbi: First we’ll go to Marshall Field on Lake Street—
(Loud pounding on the front door of the club.)
Fleming: It’s a hit! Get down!
Bobbi: Stop that, it’s just your biographer, Pat Elrod.
Fleming: Like I said, get down!
Bobbi: Knock it off and behave. She went to a lot of trouble to travel back for a visit. Try to get along with her, okay? Please?
Fleming: For you, honey, anything.
Bobbi: Good!
Fleming: But I’m not carrying her stuff.
(P.N. Elrod pushes through the door.)
P. N. Elrod: Hey, Fleming! How’s it going?
Fleming: How’s what going?
Bobbi: That’s how people say hello in the 21st century.
Fleming: Oh, okay. It’s going to—uh—Marshall Field?
Elrod: Huh?
Fleming: What do I know from the 21st century? This is 1938—what’s left of it.
Elrod: Times change, brother. For instance, Marshall Field isn’t there in my time. It’s a bookstore.
Fleming: They use that huge building just to sell books?
Elrod: Isn’t it great? More books than you can shake a machine gun at. Hardcovers, mass-market paperbacks, trade paperbacks—
Fleming: Trade what?
Elrod: Like hardcovers, but cheaper, only ten to fifteen dollars.
Fleming: That’s a week’s pay for most people! The most expensive book I ever got cost three bucks!
Elrod: I bet it was hardcover, too. Where I’m from you can’t get a paperback for three bucks unless it’s used. Inflation sucks, but it’s good that paperbacks caught on.
Bobbi: I remember they only used to sell those at Woolworths. Now they’re all over the place.
Elrod: Which is great for us! Still, it’d be neat if I could go to Chicago in my time and do a signing in the old Marshall Fields building. You guys should come.
Bobbi: We’d love to!
Fleming: If you’re signing a Vampire Files book, then we can’t help but be there. I mean, without us, you wouldn’t be—
Bobbi: (warningly) Jack…
Fleming: —almost famous.
Bobbi: Jack!
Elrod: Don’t worry about it, Bobbi. This guy cracks me up. I’ll return the favor in the next book. (Narrows eyes ominously at Fleming.) Count on it.
Fleming: Now just a minute, Elrod—
Bobbi: (Interrupting) What do you think of the club’s Christmas lights, Pat?
Elrod: I love ’em! I bet they don’t go up until after Thanksgiving, either. Where I’m from the stores set out the Christmas stuff before Halloween.
Bobbi: You’re kidding!
Elrod: Sadly, no. That’s why I love coming back to the 30s. Sure, you’ve got the Depression and other bad things going on, but this is a restful haven. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Fleming: (outraged) Restful haven!? After what you did to me in the latest book?
Elrod: Conflict, conflict, conflict! Readers love it!
Fleming: I have to live it! Or try to. You don’t make it easy, y’know.
Elrod: Hey, you did all right in that story in Strange Brew. You’re a tough guy. Deal.
Fleming: I’ll deal with you, ya dizzy dame. Why I oughta—
Bobbi: Jack, you promised!
(The lights go out.)
Elrod: Oh, now that’s cool. Myrna? Is that you?
(The lights come on.)
Elrod: I’ve been wanting to meet you! I’m just sorry the conversation has to be so one-sided. I bet you have all the dish on what goes on here!
Fleming: You know about Myrna the ghost?
Elrod: Of course I do! She’s famous. People love you, Myrna. Keep up the good work.
(The light behind the bar flickers).
Bobbi: I think she likes you, Pat.
Elrod: Hey, what’s not to like?
(Fleming starts to speak; Bobbi kicks his ankle.)
Fleming: Ow! Uh-uhhh….Pat! Would you like some eggnog?
Elrod: I’d love some, thank you!
(Fleming grunts and limps off.)
Elrod: (Rounding on Bobbi.) You are bad, girl. Just bad!
Bobbi: And that’s a good thing in your time, right?
Elrod: Oh, hell, yes. Girl power!
(The lights flicker.)
Bobbi: It’s unanimous!
On Sunday, The Chicago Sun-Times printed this great article about Chloe Neill's Chicagoland Vampires. I want to point out that Chicago has also been used as a backdrop for P.N. Elrod's long-running noir Vampire Files series, the latest of which, DARK ROAD RISING, was just released.
Speaking of noir, the KoD is the Romance Writers of America chapter dedicated to mystery and romantic suspense. They put on a very nice, intimate conference with a fantastic line-up of speakers, many of which I was fortunate enough to hear. At so many writers conferences I'm scheduled up against the other pros and so never get to listen in our their presentations. They had fellow agent
-Kelly Mortimer (who has her own agency on the west coast) doing some extreme editing, Patience Smith of Silhouette Romantic Suspense (but agent to acquire for other Harlequin and Silhouette lines as well) talking about how to stay on track and capture an editor's attention, former homicide detective Danny Agan discussing the tools of criminals and those who catch them, Mary O'Gara talking about Psychics and Cops: The Good, The Bad and The Creepy, and suspense author CJ Lyons workshopping how to break free from the slush pile. We had some free time to explore old town Albuquerque, which involved shopping, prickly pears and margaritas. It was a very nice time, and the retreat format gave us a chance to get to know each other pretty well. It also gave me the chance to see two of my local authors, Doranna Durgin and Susan Krinard, to talk shop and then leave shop talk behind for subjects ranging from food to Firefly.
( More photos behind the cut... )1- Patience Smith, Kelly Mortimer and me
2- Doranna Durgin, author of numerous Nocturne's and the forthcoming Reckoners series from Tor Romance
3- Susan Krinard, writer and artist extraordinaire
4- Kelly Mortimer and Lt. Danny Agan
5- Medical suspense author CJ Lyons
6- Prickly pear and other vegetation
7- Church in old town
-a trip to NYC to see a whole host of editors, a film agent and one of my authors
-a signing
-my high school reunion, where it was awesome to reconnect with so many people
-my shutterbug tendencies getting the best of me due to the fall leaves up north
-visits with family
-a trip down memory lane at the haunted house where my husband and I met
I swear I could do a week's worth of blogs on the one trip alone, though it was less than a week in duration, but I doubt y'all have the patience to listen to me yammer about it for that long, so I'll give it to you in a few reasonable chunks.
Want to know what an editor's office looks like? Here's a shot of Jennifer Heddle's editor-cave at the new Gallery Press, formerly (and still for mass markets) Pocket Books.
An author pre-coffee? Well, okay, David Mack (
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
infinitydog ) actually did very well pre-coffee. To keep up, I arrived early to breakfast to assure proper levels of caffeination before I had to be coherent. While I'm on the subject of Dave, I also found his newest, THE CALLING, which he's signing on October 25th in Massachussets, on the endcaps at Barnes & Noble, along with P.N. Elrod's ( p_n_elrod ) latest Vampire Files novel, DARK ROAD RISING.
Want more? Not enough to read about vampires and their brethren? Want to join them? Check out Chloe Neill's Cadogan House. It's worth exploring.
Today I have the fabulous P.N. Elrod =and= the voices in her head. Score!
Elrod: You're a hard to locate dude!
Fleming: Oh, jeeze, it's YOU again.
Elrod: Yeah, and our mutual agent wants us to play nice together, so I'm going to interview you again.
Fleming: Okay, whatever she says. Her I like. What is it this time?
Elrod: You've got a new title releasing today, remember? People want to know about it.
Fleming: I said everything in the book, they can find out there.
Elrod: You're totally clueless about marketing and promotion, aren't you?
Fleming: What's that?
Elrod: Never mind.
Fleming: Hey, I'm just pulling your leg--
Elrod: You wish.
Fleming: I GOT promotion, ya dizzy dame. Click on this link and people can get a try before you buy sample of the book!
Elrod: Nice cover.
Fleming: Thanks!
Elrod: Now tell me about the story.
Fleming: Okay, it's DARK ROAD RISING, and it picks up a few hours after the ending of the previous book, SONG IN THE DARK.
Elrod: Do people need to read that one first?
Fleming: They'll get more out of the story if they do, but I wouldn't go twisting anyone's arm over it.
Elrod: So what happens?
Fleming: Well, I have to keep an eye on this guy, Whitey Kroun. He's crazy as a bedbug and doesn't know it, and dangerous as hell, but it's that or--
Elrod: He's a vampire, too, right? Which is what makes him so dangerous.
Fleming: Huh? Oh, yeah, he is.
Elrod: But that's a BIG thing in the Vampire Files universe, isn't it?
Fleming: I suppose it is.
Elrod: You don't have a lot of vampires in the Vampire Files series. There's just you, and that guy, Jonathan Barrett, on Long Island, and now Kroun, and that's about IT.
Fleming: What do you want? Packs of vamps running around like tipsy Shriners on St. Patrick's day? We're a rare breed, and trust me, Kroun is his own one-vamp army. I had my hands full keeping tabs on him and those two creeps from New York who joined the party and ducking Shoe Coldfield, who heard about me and my partner having a donnybrook.
Elrod: Is THAT what you call it? You beat the crap out of poor Charles Escott!!!
Fleming: Pipe down, people are staring!
Elrod: YOU PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL, YOU--YOU-- [censored]!
Fleming: Yes, I did that but--
Elrod: Does he die? Did you kill Charles Escott??? Are you going to replace him with Whitey Kroun?!?!?
Fleming: That's--I mean to say--uhhh...NO COMMENT!
Elrod: (fuming) You--you--you--
Fleming: Here's a review copy, read the damn thing and see what happens!
Elrod: Grrrrrrr.
Fleming: I'll even sign it for you, okay?
(Growling, Elrod slams the book on the table; Fleming signs it.)
Fleming: There, I even put in the smiley face with the little fangs. That's my trademark!
(Elrod is still growling as Bobbi Smythe walks up.)
Bobbi: Jack, what did you do to this poor woman!?
Fleming: Trust me, the dame can take care of herself. Elrod, this is my girlfriend, Bobbi Smythe. Bobbi--this is my editor, P.N. Elrod.
Bobbi: (Ominously) We've already met, Jack.
Fleming: Oh, yeah?
Elrod: (More ominously) In the ladies room.
Fleming: Oh. Uh.
Bobbi: That's right. I told her about poor Charles landing in the hospital. And then just when we needed you the most, YOU disappear!
Fleming: THAT wasn't my fault!
Elrod: Humph. Men.
Bobbi: You said it, sister. Men. Come down to the bar and I'll tell you ALL about this guy.
Elrod: Lead me to it. “If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” I stole that from Alice Roosevelt Longworth.
Bobbi: I met her once!
Elrod: Oh, cool! Tell me all about that, too!
Fleming: Hey, now, girls...hey, wait a minute. Ladies...? Ah...nuts. Women.
Kroun: Cripes, you do know how to annoy 'em, kid. You have a gift.
Fleming: You again?
Kroun: I was in the next booth and heard everything. You have got to learn how to handle females.
Fleming: I do all right.
Kroun: Yeah, that's why you're sitting up here with me and the only two skirts in the joint worth talking to are at the bar having a private hen session about your faults. You are your own worst enemy, Fleming.
Fleming: It's that Elrod dame, she gets my goat.
Kroun: TRY being nice, huh? I happen to know she's addicted to chocolate. Surprise her with a box of candy sometime.
Fleming: That would work?
Kroun: Couldn't hurt. Get one for your girl, too, so she won't be jealous. And take your hat off and stand up when you talk to a dame. They notice that stuff. And another thing...
Fleming: Oh, jeeze...
LORD OF SIN by Susan Krinard (HQN mass market)
Nuala is descended from ancient witch folk, eternally bound to help others find love. But after the death of her husband, she harbors no such dreams for herself. Then she meets Sinjin, the Earl of Donnington, and feels something stir within her for the first time in centuries….
Handsome and scandalously tempting, Sinjin has never met a woman he couldn't seduce. Yet from the moment he sees the stunning young widow, he knows he wants more than just one night of sin—and even the discovery of the dark secret they share won't stop him from trying to possess her forever. But first he must free her from her immortal bondage, which means robbing her of her magic for all time….
DARK ROAD RISING by P.N. Elrod (Ace hardcover)
Vampire PI Jack Fleming’s wounded partner is on the critical list, his starstruck girlfriend is tempted by the siren song of Hollywood, and he’s got his hands full running the Nightcrawler Club. The last thing he needs is to play babysitter to Gabriel “Whitey” Kroun, a dangerously unstable mobster—and newly created vampire—with deadly secrets to hide.
As Jack tried to unravel the mystery surrounding Kroun’s undead state, he gets caught between his charge’s violent outbursts and some syndicate torpedoes looking to rub them both out, leaving him vulnerable to an even deadlier threat—the return of an old enemy desperate to unlock the secrets of Jack’s vampire immortality.
“I love getting into bed with Jack Fleming. Vampires, Chicago, jazz, and mystery—nobody does it better than P.N. Elrod.” – Lilith Saintcrow, author of the Jill Kismet series
A wonderfully emotional contemporary romance. Ladies' man Luke Morgan has the world at his feet until a freak explosion leaves him burned and bitter. Luke's family offers gutsy occupational therapist Abby Stanford a job facilitating Luke's physical therapy, but Luke wants no part of his family's schemes or Abby's help. When sparks fly between Luke and Abby, Luke must face his deepest fears in order to claim the woman who brought his family together and taught him the real meaning of love.
"Healing Luke is a modern day retelling of the classic fairy tale Beauty and the Beast. It's quick and lighthearted with a few gems revealed towards the end on love and relationships." - Love Romance Passion Reviews
Release date 9/8:
HELL WEEK, Maggie Quinn: Girl versus Evil Book 2, by Rosemary Clement-Moore (Delacorte trade paperback reissue of hardcover)
Maggie Quinn is determined to make her mark as a journalist. The only problem? The Ranger Report does not take freshmen on staff.
Rules are rules. But when has that ever stopped Maggie?
After facing hellfire, infiltrating sorority rush should be easy. It’s no Woodward and Bernstein, but going undercover as the Phantom Pledge will allow her to write her exposé. Then she can make a stealth exit before initiation. But when she finds a group of girls who are after way more than “sisterhood,” all her instincts say there’s something rotten on Greek Row. And when Hell Week rolls around, there may be no turning back.
If there is such a thing as a sorority from hell, you can bet that Maggie Quinn will be the one to stumble into it.
“This reader has found a new series to love. The first book was a great start, and this installment is top-notch fun and a satisfying follow-up for older teens. Great dialogue and smart, interesting relationships that grow and change make both books a joy to read. There is endless potential in these characters and in their lives.” - VOYA
THE SPLENDOR FALLS by Rosemary Clement-Moore (Delacorte hardcover) Sylvie Davis is a ballerina who can’t dance. She’s still reeling from her father’s death, her mother has remarried, and Sylvie is shipped off to stay with relatives in the back of beyond in Alabama. She expects to be miserable, but when she sees echoes of the past repeating patterns of love, loss, and greed, she wonders what’s true, and what is her imagination. Sylvie’s lost nearly everything—is she starting to lose her mind as well?
Both brilliant writers can actually be sampled in the anthology, along with other fabulous authors. Just check out the line-up below!
Another year and another anthology with my name on it is hitting the bookstore shelves, this time an urban fantasy offering, STRANGE BREW.
Am I thrilled? Oh, heck, YES!
I certainly owe this rush to my amazing agent, Lucienne Diver and uber-editor Rose Hilliard at St. Martin’s. Without them, nine novellas in STRANGE BREW would never have been written.
Take a bow, ladies. You deserve it.
In my job as editor it was like getting paid to go to an amusement park and stay for as long as I liked. Each of the writers came through with some truly engaging and often hair-raising stories. I enjoyed every one of them, and please, please DON’T ask me to pick a favorite! My head might explode, and I just had the office cleaned.
If you’re a fan of Patricia Briggs—and I sure am!—you already know that she will always deliver a solid, action-packed story with people you really root for, and Seeing Eye is no exception. I’m so proud to have this one in the collection. Read it and you’ll know why!
Last Call by Jim Butcher opens with a mixing of witchcraft and a more mundane brew, when someone magically messes with wizard Harry Dreseden’s favorite beer. Harry once again fearlessly (or near as damn) sails in where other wizards fear to drink!
Death Warmed Over by Rachel Caine begins with “I hate raising the dead on a work night” thus introducing Holly Anne Caldwell, a licensed seventh-generation witch with a creepy and strangely in-demand talent. Anyone familiar with Rachel’s stories knows something extraordinary is in store.
In Vegas Odds, Karen Chance opens with the walls—literally!—coming down around the ears of Lia de Croissets. The action never lets up as Lia deals with rogue spellcasters, betrayals, and one really hot boyfriend!
Caitlin Kittredge gives us a deftly written and full of attitude story from Sunny Swann of Nocturne City, as she goes undercover to suss out a truly shocking crime in Ginger.
The wonderfully acidic vampire Dahlia is back and hell bent—while perfectly turned out—on finding and punishing the person responsible for making her a widow. Bacon, by Charlaine Harris is a must read for all fans of fang and fur!
I can’t say enough good things about Faith Hunter’s determined witch, Molly Trueblood, who must track down some extremely bad badguys in her beautifully written Signatures of the Dead
Jenna Maclaine opens Dark Sins with a spell going not quite as it should and things just keep getting better—or worse!—for fledgling witch Cin Craven! Fun and with a solid dose of the creeps and lots of action, Cin has some tough work cut out for her.
Hecate’s Golden Eye, by P.N. Elrod—hey, that’s me!—draws vampire PI Jack Fleming and his human partner Escott into a case involving a cursed gem, con artists, a mad Irishman, and lots of randomly zinging bullets. If a gem is has a death curse—shouldn’t a vampire be immune? Maybe not!
I hope you’ll enjoy these, too!
January
In the college town of Morganville, vampires and humans coexist in (relatively) bloodless harmony. Then comes Bishop, the master vampire who threatens to abolish all order, revive the forces of the evil dead, and let chaos rule. But Bishop isn't the only threat.
Violent black cyclone clouds hover, promising a storm of devastating proportions as student Claire Danvers and her friends prepare to defend Morganville against elements both natural and unnatural.
April
Sure, the life of a graduate student wasn't exactly glamorous, but it was Merit's. She was doing fine until a rogue vampire attacked her. But he only got a sip before he was scared away by another bloodsucker-and this one decided the best way to save her life was to make her the walking undead.
Turns out her savior was the master vampire of Cadogan House. Now she's traded sweating over her thesis for learning to fit in at a Hyde Park mansion full of vamps loyal to Ethan "Lord o' the Manor" Sullivan. Of course, as a tall, green-eyed, four-hundred- year-old vampire, he has centuries' worth of charm, but unfortunately he expects her gratitude- and servitude. But an inconvenient sunlight allergy and Ethan's attitude are the least of her concerns. Someone's still out to get her. Her initiation into Chicago's nightlife may be the first skirmish in a war-and there will be blood.
Look for the sequel FRIDAY NIGHT BITES in October!
May
From “Valley Vamp Rules for Surviving Your Senior Prom” by VAMPED heroine Gina Covello:
Rule #1: Do not get so loaded at the after prom party that you accidentally-on-purpose end up in the broom closet with the surprise hottie of the evening, say the class chess champ who’s somewhere lost his bottle-cap lenses and undergone an extreme makeover, especially if that makeover has anything to do with becoming one of the undead.
Gina Covello has a problem. Waking up a dead is just the beginning. There's very little she can't put up with for the sake of eternal youth and beauty. Blood-sucking and pointy stick phobias seem a small price to pay. But she draws the line when local vampire vixen Mellisande gets designs on her hot new boyfriend with his prophecied powers and hatches a plot to turn all of Gina’s fellow students into an undead army to be used to overthrow the vampire council.
Hey, if anyone's going to create an undead entourage, it should be Gina! Now she must unselfishly save her classmates from fashion disaster and her own fanged fate.
June
The relative peace between vampires and humans in Morganville has been shattered by the arrival of Bishop, a master vampire, who threatens to put the evil back in evil undead and celebrate in cold blood. But Bishop isn't the only threat….
Violent black clouds promise a storm of devastating proportions. As student Claire Danvers and her friends prepare to defend Morganville against the elements—both natural and unnatural—the unexpected happens: Morganville's vampires begin to vanish one by one.
Look for the 7th Morganville Vampires novel, FADE OUT, in November.
July
Introducing the bold new Bloodhound Files series—and a novel that will knock you out of this world…
Her job description is the “tracking and apprehension of mentally-fractured killers.” What this really means in FBI profiler Jace Valchek’s brave new world—one in which only one percent of the population is human—is that a woman’s work is never done. And real is getting stranger every day…
Jace has been ripped from her reality by David Cassius, the vampire head of the NSA. He knows that she’s the best there in the business, and David needs her help in solving a series of gruesome murders of vampires and werewolves. David’s world—one that also includes lycanthropes and golems—is one with little knowledge of mental illness. An insane serial killer is a threat the NSA has no experience with. But Jace does. Stranded in a reality where Bela Lugosi is a bigger box office draw than Bruce Willis and every full moon is Mardi Gras, Jace must now hunt down a fellow human before he brings the entire planet to the brink of madness. Or she may never see her own world again…
A year ago Jane nearly lost her life taking down an entire blood family of deadly rogue vampires that preyed on a helpless Appalachian town. Now, after months of recuperation, she’s back and ready to fight again. Except this time, she’s hired by those she’s trained to kill—vampires.
Jane Yellowrock is the last of her kind—a skinwalker of Cherokee descent who can turn into any creature she desires and hunts vampires for a living. She’s hired by Katherine Fontaneau, one of the oldest vampires in New Orleans and the madam of Katie’s Ladies, to hunt a powerful rogue vampire who’s killing other vamps.
Amidst a bordello full of real “ladies of the night,” and a hot Cajun biker with a panther tattoo who stirs her carnal desire, Jane must stay focused and complete her assignment.
September
The long awaited return of vampire detective Jack Fleming and his compatriot in crime-solving, Charles Escott. Romantic Times says of the series, "Vampire noir blends with hardboiled detective fiction for an effective, atmospheric supernatural mystery. Jack's voice calls to mind black-and-white movies, big band music and Al Capone-like villains. Fans of period fiction and classic detectives like Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe will thoroughly enjoy this somewhat twisted tribute."
This is one of the easiest introductions I've ever done! If you look up "spitfire" in the dictionary, I'm pretty sure you'll see a picture of P.N. Elrod. You might have to peel the warning label from the entry, but it will be worth it. P.N. Elrod is probably best known for her vampire noir series, The Vampire Files, which has been favorably compared to writings by Raymond Chandler and Dashiel Hammet. If you've ever read her work, you'll see why!
Pat Elrod tracked down vampire PI Jack Fleming from The Vampire Files at his night club, Lady Crymsyn, which is one of Chicago’s newest hot spots or at least it was in 1938. Through the magic of time travel, she found herself in Mr. Fleming’s favorite booth just before opening time.
Elrod: So, Jack, how long have you been a vampire?
Fleming: Hey, I was a perfectly normal human being for 36 years before I was bumped off, what about that?
Elrod: Uh, okay, so tell us about your human life.
Fleming: It was pretty much the same as what I’ve got now, just a different kind of drinking was involved.
Elrod: Yes, you mentioned in Cold Streets that you liked a tipple now and then.
Fleming: Don't sugarcoat it, Doll face, I was a drunk newsman. I was really good at both jobs, too.
Elrod: Doll face...!
Fleming: Don't get on your high horse, it's a compliment. I'm a man of my times.
Elrod: Clearly. Now about your life as a vampire...?
Fleming: Versus being a regular guy? Eh, it's not so different. I stay up late, but Chicago's got a lot of all-night movie shows. I miss stuff that goes on during the day like baseball. Reading about a game in the papers just isn’t the same as watching one. I miss a lot of my favorite radio shows, especially in the summer since the days are longer.
Elrod: You’re not at all active during the day?
Fleming: When the sun comes up, I’m dead to the world. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Elrod: How did you get to be a vampire?
Fleming: It’s a long story. I tell about some of it in Bloodlist.
Elrod: That would be your first book. You don’t give the whole story there?
Fleming: I give enough of it. I was pretty busy in Bloodlist. First I wake up dead on that beach, then I can’t remember how I got there or who had killed me. Then this guy hits me with his car--busy. Yanno?
Elrod: Busy. Got that.
Fleming: Good.
Elrod: So—you’ve got a new book in The Vampire Files series coming out this September?
Fleming: Sure do! Dark Road Rising. Your pal Rachel Caine liked it plenty.
Elrod: She did. I think she liked it better than my books. You sure you didn’t hypnotize her?
Fleming: I’m taking the fifth.
Elrod: Anything else on the way?
Fleming: I’ve got a story in that thing you edited, Strange Brew. That’s coming this July. Escott and I solve the case of Hecate’s Golden Eye. I have a short work coming out this month called The Devil You Know. It’s strictly on the Q.T. One of those signed, numbered, limited edition things. It’s only going to be sold on the vampwriter.com website.
Elrod: Getting fancy, are you?
Fleming: I’m only bowing to the demands of my fans.
Elrod: Uh…YOUR fans?
Fleming: That's right, my fans. Next topic?
Elrod: What about your romantic life?
Fleming: Hey, a gentleman doesn't talk about things like that!
Elrod: Sorry, but many of the lady readers are...curious about how you go about things.
Fleming: They'll have to ask my girlfriend. She's never complained.
Elrod: That would be Miss Bobbi Smythe, the chanteuse?
Fleming: She's more than that—she sings, dances, acts, and can swing a blackjack better than Capone.
Elrod: I thought he favored baseball bats.
Fleming: She can swing one of those, too. Better believe it that I stay on her good side! Don't get me wrong, she's the best, I'm lucky to have her. What she sees in me I don't know, but I hope she keeps seeing it.
Elrod: There is also your human partner in your PI business, Charles Escott. He's originally from England and is now a private detective--
Fleming: Private agent. Don't call him a gumshoe, it puts him in a mood. He doesn't do divorce cases is all.
Elrod: I understand he was with you on your first case?
Fleming: Yeah, Bloodlist, the one where I solved my own murder. He was there all right. We got off to a rocky start when he stole my home earth, but what the hell, it all worked out in the end.
Elrod: What does he think of working with a vampire?
Fleming: You'll have to ask him. Why don't you ask me what it's like working with a human? Is there some kind of vampire bias going on here? I have a condition. Would you ask him what it was like to work with a diabetic if I had diabetes?
Elrod: Yes. I would.
Fleming: Oh. Uh. Okay.
Elrod: So what is it like working with Charles Escott? I understand he's a bit quirky.
Fleming: Quirky is an understatement, lady. He drives me nuts. It's bad enough he uses fifty words when ten will do, but he has absolutely no fear—especially when he should. I'm always having to haul him out of trouble.
Elrod: Always?
Fleming: I know, I should talk. I’ll put it this way, we look out for each other, but neither of us makes it easy for the other guy. Then there's his pal, Shoe--
Elrod: That would be Shoe Coldfield who runs the largest African-American gang in what was then called Chicago's "Bronze Belt?"
Fleming: Big guy. Hates surprises. Has a right cross you don't ever wanna meet. He and Escott go way back. They used to be in a Canadian acting troupe--
Elrod: You're kidding!
Fleming: I've seen the posters. Escott's still got some of the company's theatrical gear, but don't talk to him about it. He's got bad memories from that time. I don't like to pry.
Elrod: The heck you don't! What about all that stuff in Dark Sleep?
Fleming: Okay, you got me on that, but go easy on the guy.
Elrod: I will. He's pretty hot. Lots of my friends think he's hotter than you.
Elrod: Yeah, it's the accent. I could listen to him read the phone book.
Fleming: Be careful what you wish for, lady. I've heard him, and it don't do a thing for me. Probably just as well.
Elrod: Um...okay. Now as for the other member of your gang--
Fleming: Gang?
Elrod: Gordy Weems, known as "Northside Gordy." He's got a bit of a reputation as a member of Chicago's underworld.
Fleming: Which is like saying Capone ran a little distribution business for hooch.
Elrod: You've an odd sort of friendship with Gordy, though.
Fleming: Don't make it sound like that! People will get the wrong idea! But, yeah, Gordy and I have teamed up on a case. He knows everything that goes on in Chicago, and sometimes I help him convince a mug to play nice in the sandbox. Well, I used to, anyway. Not so much these days--uh--nights.
Elrod: Oh, yeah? What do you mean?
Fleming: Nah, I'm not going into that. You'd call it a spoiler. Has to do with what you'd call my "powers."
Elrod: Tell us about those.
Fleming: Jeez, take notes, why don'tcha?
Elrod: I am.
Fleming: What is that gizmo?
Elrod: It's a digital recorder.
Fleming: I thought it was a cigarette box, only I can smell that you don't smoke.
Elrod: Sensitive sense of smell, yes, go on.
Fleming: When I bother to breathe, that is. I like that perfume by the way.
Elrod: Oh. Thank you!
Fleming: You don't have to dump in on, though.
Elrod: Hey!
Fleming: It's okay, I don't mind.
Elrod: Back to your powers, wise-ass.
Fleming: Jeez, you make me out like I'm some kinda super guy, but it's part of the package when I woke up undead that night on the beach. I got the night vision and good hearing. And I figured out how to hypnotize people—which isn't polite, by the way—but the best one is being able to disappear.
Elrod: You turn into a mist?
Fleming: No I just vanish. Like this—
Elrod: YOW! WHERE ARE YOU?
Fleming: Right here.
Elrod: YEEEEE!
Fleming: Calm down! It's no big deal.
Elrod: It sure as hell IS!
Fleming: I guess so. I've gotten used to it. Sure tires me out, though. I get hungry.
Elrod: Er...hungry?
Fleming: Yeah, and you know what THAT means.
Elrod: Is that a trick question?
Fleming: Cool your motor, honey, you're safe. I'll just stop at the Stockyards and top off my tank before I turn in for the day.
Elrod: That's a relief.
Fleming: Not for the cows, and lemme tell you it is HELL on my shoes. Usually I vanish and float in, especially when it's muddy.
Elrod: Why don't you get some galoshes?
Fleming: Galoshes?
Elrod: Yeah.
Fleming: Galoshes.
Elrod: You pull them on. They protect your shoes.
Fleming: I KNOW what they are, ya dizzy dame.
Elrod: Well, don't bite my head off!
Fleming: You should be so lucky.
Elrod: I’d rather have Escott.
Fleming: Hey—I heard that!
Elrod: We’re done here. Where’s Escott?
Fleming: He heard you were coming and hid behind the bar.
Escott: I most certainly did not. Ms. Elrod, I am Charles Escott. Please pay no attention to Mr. Fleming. I am delighted to finally make your acquaintance.
Elrod: Likewise, I’m sure. Golly, you’re taller in person.
Escott: And you’re far more charming than I was led to believe.
Elrod: Why, thank you!
Escott: I’m sure Jack has some bartending duties to occupy himself. Why don’t you and I go for a drive? It would be my very great pleasure to take you on a tour of some of the locations that have figured in The Vampire Files.
Elrod: Oh, that would be fantastic, Mr. Escott!
Escott: Please…call me Charles.
Elrod: Charles...
Fleming: Oh, jeez.
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